A Little Bit of Everything

Single For the First Time: Realizing You Don’t Need Him To Plan Your Future

I get it, so I’m not an expert at love or anything. Why should you take my advice? Well, in order to get the most out of what I’m about to say, you have to think of me not as someone trying to give “expert advice” but like this instead:

Imagine we’re girlfriends. We’re hanging out after your recent break-up and watching some of our fav chick flicks. There’s probably crumbs of potato chips somewhere deep inside our pillow cases and we’ve killed several bottles of wine with 0 shame. Basically we’re in 100% recovery mode for the broken heart. You decide that you’ve held off on talking about what’s been on your mind regarding the break-up for too long and decide to hit me with this question: What is my future going to be like now that he’s gone? You want to know what I think. You’re looking for another person’s perspective. So here it goes.

The reason I’m writing about this question today is because it has come up recently in my own life. A friend of a friend is going through a unique break-up. Not the “Oh, we dated for several weeks,” break-up or even the several months to a year break-up. Basically this chick has spent for what has seemed like forever with her man. The whole matching clothes, Kimye, Brangelina, Bennifer, name merging, joined at the hip kind of relationship. But it ended. And now that he’s gone, she’s left with broken promises and canceled future plans. She can’t see what she desires in her future, because it wasn’t ever anything she envisioned with only herself involved. So what does she do now?

I’ve been thinking about this for a day or two, because I didn’t really know how to answer that question. I am literally in the opposite situation as she is. I have never been in a relationship and my future plans have always been centered around me, independently. And then I realized that my perspective may not be a total waste in her search for an answer. It comes down to this. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you must never lose yourself in someone else. You have to love yourself and love that other person. You have to chase your own desires, but be there with them as they chase theirs. It’s a partnership and not an ownership. Your significant other should be a part of your life but should never consume your whole life. If you guys become one in the same person and then one of you decides to call it quits, you’re left feeling like half a person. You’re left confused and dumbfounded as to what’s next?

So I realized that I don’t have any solid advice for what to do after this has happened. Being stuck in my perspective, I can only give advice as to what not to do next time. Sometimes your girlfriends don’t have all of the answers and it sucks. But what we can do is all we can to help you feel better and hopefully give advice that can keep the same hurt from occurring again. We can cheer you on to becoming 100% you again and give you 3 snaps in a Z formation for making it work. Don’t be afraid of planning a future that is all about you. Who knows, maybe someone will want to join you again somewhere along the way.

♥ → Ki’Era aka Wine2TheRescue ← ♥


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